The Referees Alphabet

[D]The A is for my authority
[G]Which many players seem to question,
[A]Thinking they're somehow going to make me change my mind
[D]B is for babies
[G]Which a lot of managers cry like
[A]After a decision has not gone their way
[D]C is for the continual criticism [G]I recieve from the touchline
[A]Get back in your technical area!
[D]D is for the dunderheads
[G]Who seem to think we have a conspiracy
[A]Against their particular team
[D]E is for the eery silence that echoes around the ground
[G]After I've booked the home teams player
[A]And it's obvious to everyone that he deserved it
[D]F is the farce into which most games would descend if we werent there
[G]The G is for the gnarled face of someone whos on 90,000 a week
[A]And reckoned he should have had a throw in
[D]H is for handball
[G]Which has to be intentional and very rarely is
[A]If only people would study the rules more
[D]I is for innocence, pleaded by many a doe-eyed defender
[G]After they've just scythed down that tricky winger
[A]J is for ju-jitsu, which i quite intend to display given a dark alley
[D]And some of the narky blerts ive encountered
[G]K is for the kissing of the badge
[A]How ridiculous that looks 6 months later when they're at another club
[D]L is for lip reading, [G]at which you don't need to be an expert
[A]To see how odious some people are
[D]M is for the mistakes we sometimes make
[G]Surely a bit of controversy [A]is part of the games appeal
[D]The N, the N is for the numbskull who[G] during the boxing day game
Asks me what else [A]i got for christmas besides my whistle
[D]An afternoon with your wife mate
[D]The O is for offside
[G]Which many forwards tell me the[A]y simply could not have been
[D]The P is for the penalty shootout
[G]Great drama and[A] no pressure on me
[D]Q is the quiet word i sometimes need to have
[G]With some of the more fiery participants
[A]I usually choose the word 'pleat'
[D]R is for running backwards
[G]A difficult skill which the pu[A]ndits never seem to appreciate
[D]S is for the suggestion that i[G] should have awarded a card of some sort
[A]To a player whos just been awarded a free kick
(mute the strings and strum)
Sorry i got all that wrong the S again
[D]Okay the S, the S is the suggestion that i should show a card to an opponent
[G]By a player whos been awarded a free kick
[A]He himself is more in danger of getting one for that
[D]T is for the 21 man brawl
[G]Whiuch is basically an embarrassing [A]scene of pushing and shoving
[D]U is for the umpire which i sometimes wish I'd been instead
[G]You never hear a cricket cr[A]owd shouting whos the bastard in the hat
[D]The V is for vitriol vilification vendet[G]ta and volley of verbal abuse
[A]Some good bird noises there by the way
[D]W is for walter pidgeon
[G]Whos mr Griffiths in 'how green was my valley'
[A]I may have started to sound like during this song
[D]'where was the light i thought to see in your eye'
[G]He says that to a young huw[A] played by roddy McDowall
[D]The X
[G]The X represents the sarcastic kiss planted on my forehead by the swarthy
[A]potugese center half

Whom i just dismissed
[D]The Y is for Yate
[G]The kind of town ref[A]erees come from
[D]And the Z
[G]Well the Z could be for Zidane,[A] Zico, Zola, Zubizaretta, Zoff

Even Zondervan
[D]But is in fact for the zest with which we approach our work
[G]Without this zest for the game we wouldn't become refs
[A]And without refs, well zero
[D]See also Zatopek, Zeus
[G]And Zeal Monachorum
[D]I have a caravan there
[G]Static naturally
[A]          [D] etc...
(Wouldnt it be fun if the gave the ref a gun)

contiune the "D G A" until the end (although, if your like me when it comes to the end
you just press play and start it all again)