Surging Out Of Convalescence

[G]Darts in soap operas,[D] oh so wrong, oh so [G]wrong
No one's scoring and there's[D] too much chat between easch [G]throw
Worse than this though is when[D] cheers are raised for the [G]bull
Granted, bull's a double and an [D]out but I know that they don't
[Am]Know their [D]boards; [Am]I pro[D]pose [Am]no soap [D]darts. [D7]
[G]Is your child hyperac[D]tive or is he perhaps a [G]twat?
Sometimes I like to watch [D]wave rage down on Fistral [G]Beach
Last Ash Wednesday I had[D] tantric sex and it was [G]shit
Next Ash Wednesday I might[D] strive to lick my elbow;
[Am]Strive in [D]vain, [Am]for they [D]say [Am]few suc[D]ceed.  [D7]
[G]I wrote to the Horse and Hounds[D] to gloat over whay I'd done
[G]I stored their magazine[D] in a data retrieval system
[G]Well let's face it what're they going to do?
[D]It's not as if they know where I live
And [G]anyway I cut the caper [D]back in 1984
[G]Heartbroken Matrons[D] on joyless beds
For [G]those whose souls[D] the iron has entered
[G]And if I get to Heaven's gate[D] I'll doubtless have to wait
[G]While St. Peter investigates[D] the inevitable asterisk
The [G]inside of a Halex Three Star [D]table-tennis ball
[G]Smells much like you'd ex[D]pect it to.     [G]