Albuquerque

{tuning: Standard (EADGBE)}
{sot}   [F]         [B]        [Fm7]       [Bm7]
E--1--    E--1--    E--1--    E--1--|
B--1--    B--3--    B--1--    B--2--|
G--2--    G--3--    G--1--    G--1--|
D--3--    D--3--    D--1--    D--3--|
A--3--    A--1--    A--3--    A--1--|
E--1--    E--1--    E--1--    E--1--|{eot}

{sot}E-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-8h10p8-|-------------|
B-------------|-------------|-------------|--10---------|
G-------------|-------------|-------------|-----10------|
D-------------|-------------|-------------|-------------|
A-------------|-------------|-------------|-------------|
E-------------|-------------|-------------|-------------|{eot}
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a[F] b[F]ox under the
stairs in the corner of the basement of th[F]e [F]house half a block down the
street from Jerry?s Bait Sh[F]op[F]? You know the place? Well anyway, back then
life was [F]go[F]ing swell and everything was juuuuus[F]t [F]peachy? except of course
for the undeniabl[F]e [F]fact that every single morning my[F] m[F]other would make me
a big old bowl of sauerkraut for[F] b[F]reakfast. Daaaaaaaouh! B[F]ig [F]bowl of
{sot} [F]    [F]
sauerkraut!
E-13------------|
B---13p10-------|
G--------10-----| F       F       F                              F F
D---------------| Every single morning! It was driving me crazy. I said to
A---------------|
E---------------|{eot}

my mom, I said, ?Hey mom, what?s up with all the sau[F]er[F]kraut?? And my dear
sweet mother she just[F] l[F]ooked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming trai[F]n.[F]
And she leaned right down next to me, and she said, ?It?s g[F]ood[F] fo[F]r y[F]ou!?
[B]  [B]  [B]  [B]  And then she t[F]ied me to[F] the wall [F]and stu[F]ck a f[B]unnel i[B]n my mout[B]h
and f[B]orce-fed [F]me n[F]oth[F]ing [F]but sa[B]uerkrau[B]t until I[B] was twent[B]y-six and [F]a h[F]alf
years old. That?s when I swore that [F]so[F]meday, someday I would get out of
that basement and t[F]ra[F]vel to a magical far away place where the [F]sun is
always shining and the a[B]ir smells like warm root beer[F] and the towels are
oh so fluffy[B], where the s[F]hriners and the lepers play their u[B]kulele?s all
day long and a[F]nyone on the street?ll gladly s[B]have you?re back for a
n[F]ickel. W[B]aka[B]wakad[B]oo[B]doo [F]yah! Well let me tell you people, that it wasn?t
long at all before my[F] d[F]ream came true because the very next day[F] a[F] local
radio station had this contest to see who could [F]co[F]rrectly guess the number
of molecules in Leonar[F]d [F]Neroy?s butt. I was off by three but I still[F] w[F]on
the grand prize. That?s right [F]a [F]first class one-way ticket, to
[F]A [Fm7]    [B]- [Bm7]   lbu[F]querque,[B]  [F] A[F]  [Fm7]   -[B]  [Bm7]   lbu[F]querque![B] Ah yah, you know I never
been on a real airplane before and I[F] g[F]otta tell ya it was really great.
[F]Ex[F]cept that I had to ist between two large Albania[F]n [F]women with
excruciatingly severe body odour and the[F] l[F]ittle kid in back of me kept
throwing up the whole time[F]. [F]The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper
and salted peanut[F]s [F]and the in flight movie was "Biodome" with Polly Sho[F]re[F].
And oh yah three of the airplane's engines burned down and we [F]went into a
tailspin and [B]crashed into a hillside and the pl[F]ane exploded in a giant
f[B]ireball and ev[F]erybody died! Except for me. You know why? ?Cause I h[F]ad my
train table up[B], and my [F]seat back in the full upr[B]ight position, had my
t[F]rain table up[B], and my s[F]eat back in the full uprig[B]ht position, had my
t[F]rain table up,[B] and my s[F]eat back in the full upri[B]ght position. Ah ha ha
ha! Oh ha ha! Ahhhh. So I[F] c[F]rawled from the twisted burnin? wreckage, I [F]   [F]
crawled on my hands and knees for three full day[F]s,[F] dragging along my big
l[F]eather suitcase, and my ga[B]rment bag, and my t[F]enor saxophone, and my
t[B]welve-pound bowling ball and my l[F]ucky lucky autographed g[B]low in the dark
snorkel[F]. But finally a arrived at the world famous ?[B]Alb[B]uquerque [B]Holi[B]day
I[F]nn?, where the towels are oh so fluffy, and you cou[F]ld[F] eat you?re soup
right out of the ashtrays if you wan[F]na[F], it?s OK their clean. Well I
c[F]hecked into my room and I turned d[B]own the AC and I turned on the spe[F]ctro
vision[B] and I was just about to eat that little c[F]hocolate mint on my pillow
that I l[B]ove so very very much when sud[F]denly there?s a knock on the door.

[F]Well now who could that be? I say, ?who [F]is[F] it?? No answer. ?Who [F]is[F] it??
There?s no answer. ?Who is it!?? They?re not saying anything, so fi[F]nally I
go over and I open the door and j[F]ust as I suspected, it?s some big fat
herm[F]aphrodite with a flock of seagull?s haircut and on[F]ly[F] one nostril. Oh
man I ha[F]te[F] it when I?m right. So anyway he b[F]urst into my room and gr[B]abbes

my lucky snorkel and I?m like ?hey, you can?t have that! That snorkel has
be[F]en just like a snorkel to me.? And he?s like ?tou[F]gh[F]? And I?m like ?give
it.? And he?s like[F] ?[F]make me.? And I?m like ?k.? So I g[F]rabbed his l[F]eg and
he gr[B]abbed my oeso[B]phagus and I [F]bit off his e[F]ar and he che[B]wed off my
ey[B]ebrows and I took out his appendix and he g[F]ave me a va[F]lonic irrigation
yes indeed you better believe it. And [F]so[F]mehow in the middle of it all the
phone got knocked off the ho[F]ok[F], and twenty seconds later I hear[F]d [F]a
familiar voice, and you know what it s[F]ai[F]d, I?ll tell you what it said, it
said, ?if you?d l[F]ike to m[F]ake a [B]call, p[B]lease h[B]ang [F]up and t[F]ry ag[B]ain. [B]If y[F]ou
need h[F]elp hang [B]up and th[B]en dial you?re [F]ope[B]rator. If you?d l[F]ike to m[F]ake a
c[B]all, pl[B]ease h[B]ang [F]up and t[F]ry ag[B]ain. If y[F]ou need h[F]elp hang [B]up and th[B]en dial
you?re [F]oper[B]ator. In [F]A [Fm7]    [B]- [Bm7]   lbu[F]querque,[B]  [F] A[F]  [Fm7]   -[B]  [Bm7]   lbu[F]querque! Well
to [F]cut a long story short he got away with my snorke[F]l.[F] But I made a solemn
vow right the[F]n [F]and there that I would rest, I would not sleep for an
ins[F]ta[F]nt until the one-nostriled man was brought to justic[F]e.[F] But first I
decided to buy some donuts. So I g[F]ot in my [F]car and drove o[B]ver to the d[B]onut
shop and I wa[F]lked right up to the guy behind the c[B]ounter and he says ?[F]yah,

{sot}wadaya want??
E-13--------11--------------11131618------------------1113-| it ain't per--|
B-------------1311--------13--------1816----------1113---------------------| fect but it'l
G-----------------1311------------------171513--13-------------------------| give you some
D---------------------1310--------------------15---------------------------| thing to do
A--------------------------------------------------------------------------| till  you fig
E--------------------------------------------------------------------------| ure it out{eot}
I said, ? you[F] g[F]ot any glazed donuts?? He said, ?[F]na[F]aa were all out of
glazed donuts.? I said,[F] ?[F]well you got any jelly donuts?? H[F]e [F]said, ?naaa
were all out of jelly donuts.? I said[F], [F]?you got any Bavarian cream-filled
donuts?? He[F] s[F]aid, ?naaa were all out of Bavarian cream-filled donuts[F].?[F] I

said, ?you got any cinnamon rolls?? He sai[F]d,[F] ?naaa were all out of
cinnamon rolls.? I sa[F]id[F], ?you got any apple fritters!?? He said[F], [F]?naaa
were out of apple fritters.? I said[F], [F]?you got any bear claws!!?? He said,

?wait a minute, I?ll go check.

{sot}E------------------------------------------------16-16-18-16-18-18b-|{eot}
{sot}B-18v----------------------------------------19-19-18---------------|
G------------------------------19-19-21-19-21-21--------------------|
D-----15v---------19-19-21-19-21-21---------------------------------|
A---------19h20h21--21----------------------------------------------|
E-------------------------------------------------------------------|{eot}

{sot}E-18-16-16-------------------|
B--------18-16-16------------|
G-------------18-18-15-15----|
D---------------------18-18--|
A-------------------------15-|
E----------------------------|{eot}
Naaa were out of bear claws.?[F] I said, ?well in that case,[F] i[F]n that case
{sot}what do you have?[F]? [F]He said, ?all I?ve got right now is this box of on[F]e [F]
                               [E]-24b\-|
                               B------|
dozen starving crazed weasels.?G------| I said, ?OK I?ll take that.? So he
                               D------|
                               A------|
                               E------|{eot}
h[F]ands over the box and I o[B]pen up the lid and the we[F]asels jump out and they
imm[B]ediately latch onto my face[F] and start biting me all over ayiyi
yiyiyiyi. Oh, oh man they were just going nuts[F]! [F]Their terin? me apart.[F] Y[F]ou
know I think it was just about that time that little ditty started [F]go[F]i[F]n?
through my hea[B]d.[Bb] I believe it went a li[F]tt[F]l[F]e something like t[B]hi[Bb]s.
?[F]Doo[F]ooh[F]get[F]emof[B]fme[B]get[B]tem[B]offm[F]eoo[F]oge[F]tem[F]offg[B]ett[B]emo[B]ffo[B]oooh[F]get[F]ooo[F]ohg[F]eooo[B]hoo[B]oah[B]hh
[B]hohh[F]hia[F]hho[F]ooh[F]ahah[B]ahh[B]hoh[B]hhh[B]h!?[F] I[F] ran out onto the street with these flesh
eating [F]we[F]asels all over my face, waiving my arms all around a[F]nd[F] just
runnin? and runnin? and runnin? like a constipated wiener[F] d[F]og. And as luck
would have it, that?s [F]ex[F]actly when I ran into the girl of my dreams[F], [F]her
name was Zelda[F]. [F]She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite
an[F]d [F]hair the colour of strange peaches[F]. [F]I?ll never forget the very first
thing she said to m[F]e,[F] she said, ?hey, you got weasels on your face.?[F]

That?s when I knew it was tr[F]ue[F] love, we were inseparable after that, oh we
[F]at[F]e together, we bathed together,[F] w[F]e even shared the same piece of mint-
flavoured dental flos[F]s.[F] The world was our burrito. So [F]we got married and
we b[B]ought us a house and had t[F]wo beautiful children, N[B]athaniel and
Superfly[F]. Oh we were so very very ver[F]y [F]happy, oh ya. But then one fateful

night Zelda said to me, she said, ?Sweetie-pumpkin, do you want to join
the Columbia Record Club?[F]? [F] [F]  [F]  [B]  [Bb]  I said, ?W[F]ooooah [B]hold on now baby, I?m
j[F]ust not ready for that k[B]ind of a commitment.? So [F]we broke up and I never
saw her again but that?s j[F]ust t[F]he way[F] things[F] go, . In [F]A [Fm7]    [B]- [Bm7]       [F]
lbuq[F]uerque[B],   [F]A [Fm7]    [B]- [Bm7]    lb[F]uquerque!

{sot}E-16-16-16---16-16-16---16------16b16b17b17b17b18b18b-16-13-----------|
B-18-------18---18----18--18-18-18--------------------------16--------|
G--------------------------------------------------------------14-----|
D-----------------------------------------------------------------15--|
A---------------------------------------------------------------------|
E---------------------------------------------------------------------|{eot}

{sot}E----------------------------------------20p18p16p11-|
B----------------------------------18-16-------------|
G-17-15----18-18-18-16----19-17----------------------|
D------17-------------16-------17--------------------|
A----------------------------------------------------|
E----------------------------------------------------|{eot}
Anyway then things really started looking up for me, bec[F]au[F]se about a week
later I finally achieved my[F] l[F]ife-long dream. That?s right I got m[F]e [F]a part
time job at the ?Sizzler.? I eve[F]n [F]made employee-of-the-month after I put
out that grease-fire with my[F] f[F]ace. Oh ya everyone was pretty jealous of me
[F]af[F]ter that. I was getting lota attitude[F]. [F]OK like one time, I was out in
the parking lot trying [F]to[F] remove my excess earwax with a golf penci[F]l,[F] when
I see this guy Marty tryin? to carry a big ol[F]d [F]sofa up the stairs all by
himself. So I-I say to hi[F]m,[F] I say, ?hey, you want me to help you with
that[F]? [F]And Marty he just rolls his eyes and goes[F], [F]?nooooo I want you to cut
off my arms and [F]le[F]gs with a chain saw.[B]? So I did.[F] And the[F]n he ge[F]ts all[F]
in[B]dignan[B]t on me[B], he?s l[B]ike, ?[F]hey mad [F]I was ju[F]st bein[F]g sa[B]rcas[B]tic.[B]? Wel[B]l
t[F]hat?s just great, how was I supposed to know that[F]? [F]I?m not a mind reader
for crying out loud. [F]Be[F]sides now he?s got a really cute nickname ?Torso

{sot}      E-20-16-18-17-14-16----------------------------------------|
      B-------------------20-16-18-17-13-15----------------------|
F F   G-------------------------------------19-15-17-17-13-15----|
Boy?. D-------------------------------------------------------15-| So
      A----------------------------------------------------------|
      E----------------------------------------------------------|{eot}

what?s he complaining about? Say that reminds me of another amusing
anecdot[F]e;[F] this guy comes up to me on the street and tells me [F]he[F] hasn?t had
a bite in three days. Wel[F]l [F]I knew what he meant but just to be funny I
t[F]oo[F]k a big bite out of his jugular vein, and he?s y[F]elling and scr[F]eaming
and bl[B]eeding all over and I?m like, ?hey come on don?t you get it?? But he
just kept r[F]olling a[F]round on the s[F]idewalk ble[B]eding and [B]screaming, YA[F]HHHH!
OH[F]HHH! AH[B]HHH! And I?m c[F]om[F]pletely missing the irony of the whole situation,
[F]ma[F]n some people just can?t take a joke you know[F]? [F]Anyway, u[F]m?[F] um? where was
I[F]? [F]Kinda lost my train of thought[F]. [F]Oh, uh, well oh okay [F]an[F]yway I know it?s
a roundabout way of saying it bu[F]t [F]I guess the whole point I?m trying to
make is, I,[F] HATE,[B] S[F]AURKROUT! That?s all I?m r[B]eally trying to say, and by
the way if o[F]ne day you happen to w[B]ake up and find yourself in an
e[F]xsulstential qu[B]andary full of woein[F]g and self doubt and [B]wrapped with the
pain and isolation [F]of you?re pitiful m[B]eaningless existence, at l[F]east even
take a small bit of c[B]omfort in knowing that s[F]omewhere out there in this
cr[B]azy old mixed up u[F]niverse of ours[B], there?s s[F]till a little place,[B] called
[F]A [Fm7]    [B]- [Bm7]lbuque[F]rque,[B]   A[F]  [Fm7]   -[B]  [Bm7]   lbu[F]querque![B] Albuq[F]uerque, Albu[B]querque,
Albu[F]querque, Albu[B]querque, Alb[F]uquerque, Albu[B]querque, Albu[F]querque,
Albu[B]querque, I say  [F]A, A, [B]L, L, [F]B, B, [B]U, U? Q[F]UERQUE! [B]QUERQUE![F]  [F]    [B]      [B]        [F]          [F]            [B]              [B]
[F]Albu[F]querque, [B]Albu[B]querque, [F]Albu[F]querque, [B]Albu[B]querque, [F]Albuq[F]uerque,
[B]Albu[B]querque, [F]Albu[F]querque, [B]Albu[B]querque, [F]Albu[F]querque, [B]Albu[B]querque,
[F]Albu[F]querque, [B]Albu[B]querque, [F]Albu[F]querque, [B]Albu[B]querque, [F]Albu[F]querque,
[B]Albu[B]querque, [F]Albuquerque,

{sot}E-13-13-11-18-16-13-11-13-11/8-6-8-6-4-------1-1-1-1-|
B--------------------------------------1-----1-1-1-1-|
G----------------------------------------3---2-2-2-2-|
D------------------------------------------1/3-3-3-3-| (drum solo)
A--------------------------------------------3-3-3-3-|
E--------------------------------------------1-1-1-1-|{eot}
                           (Belch)
I'm sorry but the last part I couldn't do because it goes too fast and my fingers are sore.
So just play a bunch of notes scaling from the 20th fret to the 1st on the D string and play that
awkward chord with lots of electronic phony stuff attached to it.

Comments, Questions or maybe even Changes (which I highly doubt) send em to