I Wish I Was Queer So i Could Get Chicks.

[Bb5]             [E5]
   [A5]              [Eb5]
   [B5]              [C#5]

   [spoken:]
   If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter

   [Bb5]    [A5] My friend Jerry [B5]Vandergrift kissed me in [C#5]Home Ec. class  [E5]     [B5]

   [A5]Later in the afternoon some [B5]jarheads in the locker room [C#5]kicked my ass

   [B5]    [A5]  I said guys I'm like [B5]you I like Monster Trucks [E5]too

   Wanna see how [Eb5]many [C#5]push-ups I can [A5]do?

                     [B5] [stop]
   I just wish I was queer so I could get

   [E5]Chicks dig guys that are

   [B5]Queer guys that don't dig

   [E5]Chicks that don't dig guys like [B5]me

   See I'm not queer I'm too ug[A5]ly

   [A5]But if I were [B5]handsome just imagine how [C#5]great it would be  [E5]     [B5]

   Inco[A5]gnito as a gay though but not [B5]actually that way though pseudo [C#5]homo phony

   [B5]    [A5]Maybe it's a stupid theory [B5]or maybe just stupidi[E5]ty

   But if I was a [Eb5]queer[C#5]bee in the fashion indu[A5]stry

   Scoring with a [B5]super model would be [C#5]easy

   Cause 'super [A5]model' means voluptuous but [B5]also is synonomous with

    '[C#5]super dumb'  [E5]     [B5]

   Ya see I'd [A5]be a good listener so she'd [B5]treat me like a sister and
   [C#5]soon I'd become   [B5]

   [A5]   That trusted friend that [B5]cares that rubs her back and braids her [E5]hair

   No it wouldn't [Eb5]be a [C#5]week before I'm in her under[A5]wear

                [B5] [stop]
   I wish I was queer so I could get

   [E5]Chicks dig guys that are

   [B5]Queer guys that don't dig

   [E5]Chicks that don't dig guys like [B5]me

   See I'm not queer I'm too ug[A5]ly

[play like Verse 3]

   Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes
   The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean
   See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
   No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen
   I wish I was queer so I could get

   [E5]Chicks    [C#5]                [C#5]                    [B5]                       [A5]                                [Bb5]                                    [B5]                                             [B5]                                                [A5]                                                   [C#5]                                                       [Eb5]
   [E5]        [C#5]         [C#5] [B5] [A5]       [Bb5] [B5]       [B5] [A5] [C#5] [Eb5]

[play like Verse 3]

   Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
   Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp
   he talks like this
   And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
   And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
   I wish I was queer so I could get

   [C#5]Chicks dig guys that are

   [B5]Queer guys that don't dig

   [C#5]Chicks dig guys that are

   [E5]Queer guys [B5]that don't dig

   [C#5]Chicks dig guys that are

   [B5]Queer guys that don't dig

   [C#5]Chicks that don't dig guys like [E5]me

   See I'm not [B5]queer I'm too ug[C#5]ly

   And I [B5]don't shave my heiny

   [C#5]Don't shave my heiny

   [E5]  See I'm not [B5]queer I'm too ug[C#5]ly

   And I [B5]don't shave my heiny

   [C#5]Don't shave my heiny

   [E5]  See I'm not [B5]queer I'm too ug[C#5]ly

   And I [B5]don't shave my heiny

   [C#5]Don't shave my heiny

   [E5]  See I'm not [B5]queer I'm too u[C#5]gly