The Hot Dog Man

{tuning: Standard (EADGBE)}
[E]The hot dog man is packing [B]up

[F#]He's putting all his sauces awa[B]y

[E]Scrapes the onion grease into[B] a cup

[F#]To use again another [B]day

[E]Other hot dog men might re-us[B]e their cheese

[F#]But never this hot dog m[B]an

[E]He whistles a tune and bob[B]s his head

[F#]While sweeping out the floor of his[B] van

(Same for all the verses)

The hot dog man once tried a line
In gelati and soft-serve treats
But they didn't last long in the bain-marie
In amongst the steaming meats

The sauce bottle nozzles clog up every day
He always is surprised by how much
A friend once suggested the sachets
But he prefers the personal touch

[E]The hot dog m[B]an...    [A]              [B]
[E]The hot dog m[B]an...    [A]              [B]

The hot dog man attends the normal events
Such as concerts and football games
Has his regulars at the stadium,
He takes the time to learn all their names

Whilst he knows it's a professional relationship
He always asks about their lives
Says, "How are the kids? Is your Mum still well?
Hey, tell me when the baby arrives."

The hot dog man maintains his van
He works on it meticulously
He'd have it done by a mechanic,
But who would take as much care as he?

The hot dog man drops his daughter off
At ballet practice three times a week
He jokingly asks, "Am I a taxi?"
She laughs and smiles and kisses his cheek

The hot dog man...
The hot dog man...

The hot dog man earns a modest amount
His overheads are more than you'd think
When you add up the cost of his hobby
Plus the wholesale price of the drinks

The hot dog man has certain needs
Not all of which his wife can fulfil
He also has his favourite TV shows
The one he likes the most is "The Bill"

The hot dog man knows his hardware
Has certain brands he tends to prefer
He's been fitting out his cellar
But he's not at all the wine connoisseur

The hot dog man drives his hot dog van
In circuits 'round the local reserve
He drives slowly, but not too slowly
And casual, so as not to unnerve

The hot dog man...
The hot dog man...
The hot dog man has a coolroom
With independent power supply
Has a table on wheels and a light source
He performs his operations by

The hot dog man's identity
Changes every now and again
For a time, he was a woman
Or at least he wore a woman's skin

If you listen hard in the dead of night
Is that a scratching sound you can hear?
We use the word "evil" so liberally...

[Gatesy: STOP... STOP THE F******* SONG! Stop... just stop it.
Scod: What?
Gatesy: What are you doing to the hot dog...
Scod: What?
Gatesy: What have you done to him?
Scod: What do you mean, "done to him"?
Gatesy: You've...
Scod: There's a whole range of factors, it wasn't just us.
Gatesy: No!
Yon: Yeah!
Gatesy: No!
Yon: I mean, you know, it's a whole "nature versus nurture" issue, really.
Scod: It is!
Gatesy: It's just... no!
Scod: He might have parental problems, who knows? Maybe he's just evil. We just don't know.
Gatesy: He doesn't! He doesn't have to be evil, though!
Scod: What are you talking about?
Gatesy: No, he doesn't. Why can't... here's an idea... ooh, Gatesy! Why don't
we... why don't we make the hot dog man a nice hot dog man again, eh?
Yon: All right.
Gatesy: You know, remember? Aha! Remember...]

The hot dog man is packing up
He's... twisting all the ties on the bun bags
Umm... puts the ice bucket back in the freezer

... where he also keeps the human heads.

[Gatesy: NOOOOOO!
Yon: I like that!
Gatesy: Ohhhh...
Scod: Come on... he's a multi-dimensional character, that's all.
Yon: Come on, Gatesy - don't you think we're all the hot dog man deep down inside?
Gatesy: Noooo...
Scod: It's about the complexity of human relationships... and knives.]