Monkey Farts

My f[D]ather came here f[A7]rom his home in [D]Ireland,
He was [G]quiet but they s[D]aid that he was w[A7]ise.
He and [D]Mother did their [D7]best, gave us a [G]home and all the [E]rest,
But to talk to us he [E7]never had the t[A7]ime.
Sure, he'd [D]say "Pass the [A7]butter." or, "Come [D]here young man."
Or, "Keep [G]quiet." or, "No you [D]can't have a [A7]dime."
Until the [D]day when I was [D7]leavin' when Dad [G]finally found a [E]reason
For sharing his [E7]philosophy of [A7]life...

He said: [D]"A monkey fart should [A7]smell like a [D]banana,
[G]English farts should [D]smell like cups of [A7]tea;
The [D]farting of a [D7]fairy should be[G] very light and [E]airy,
When a father farts I [E7]hope you'll think of [A7]me.
An [D]Irish fart should a[A7]lways lilt with l[D]aughter,
It should [G]melt your heart and [D]melt your shorts as [A7]well,
         [D]                     [D7]             [G]
A [E]lion's fart should roar with power, cuckoos should fart every hour,
A nun's fart should have [E7]meaning but no [A7]smell;
A [D]strong man's fart should [A7]sound out like a [D]trumpet,
A [G]pretty girl's should [D]barely even s[A7]queak,
But the[D] person you can [D7]trust is the [G]one who'd rather [E]bust
Than [E7]ever let one rip right on the [A7]street..."

Well, from [D]my old man this [A7]really was an [D]earful,
I [G]tried to under[D]stand just what he [A7]meant;
His words were [D]primitive but [D7]strong so I [G]wouldn't get them [E]wrong,
He was saying to be [E7]careful as I [A7]went.
He was [D]saying to be [A7]happy as I [D]could be,
He was [G]saying watch my [D]step and as I [A7]pass,
To be[D]ware who I look [D7]up to, and wha[G]tever else I [E]might do,
          [E7] (Hold)                                        [A7]
Know that most of what you get from folks is just escaping gas...

He said: "A [D]monkey fart should [A7]smell like a [D]banana,
[G]English farts should [D]smell like cups of [A7]tea;
The [D]farting of a [D7]fairy should be [G]very light and [E]airy,
When a father farts I [E7]hope you'll think of [A7]me.
An [D]Irish fart should a[A7]lways lilt with [D]laughter,
It should [G]melt your heart and [D]melt your shorts as [A7]well,
        [D]                      [D7]             [G]
A [E]lion's fart should roar with power, cuckoos should fart every hour,
A nun's fart should have [E7]meaning but no s[A7]mell;
A s[D]trong man's fart should [A7]sound out like a [D]trumpet,
A [G]pretty girl's should [D]barely even [A7]squeak,
But the [D]person you can [D7]trust is the o[G]ne who'd rather [E]bust
Than [E7]ever let one [A7]rip right on the [D]street..."