Plastic Jesus

Well, [D]I don't care if it rains or freezes,
[G]Long as I have my plastic Jesus
[D]Riding on the dashboard of my [A]car[Asus4]      [A]
[D]Through all trials and tribulations,
[G]We will travel every nation,
[D]With my plastic [A]Jesus I'll go [D]far[Dsus4].     [D]

Plastic [D]Jesus, plastic [G]Jesus,
[D]riding on the dashboard of my [A]car[Asus4]      [A]
[D]Through all trials and tribulations,
[G]we will travel every nation,
[D]with my plastic [A]Jesus I'll go [D]far[Dsus4].     [D]

[D]I don't care if it rains or freezes,
as [G]long as I've got my plastic Jesus,
[D]glued to the dashboard of my [A]car[Asus4]      [A]
[D]You can buy him phosphorescent,
[G]glows in the dark, he's pink and pleasant,
[D]take him with you [A]when you're travelling [D]far[Dsus4]      [D]

Plastic [D]Jesus, plastic [G]Jesus,
[D]riding on the dashboard of my [A]car[Asus4]      [A]
[D]Through all trials and tribulations,
[G]we will travel every nation,
[D]with my plastic [A]Jesus I'll go [D]far[Dsus4].     [D]

[D]I don't care if it's dark or scary,
[G]long as I have magnetic Mary,
[D]ridin' on the dashboard of my [A]car[Asus4]      [A]
[D]I feel I'm protected amply,
[G]I've got the whole damn Holy Family,
[D]riding on the [A]dashboard of my [D]car[Dsus4]      [D]

Plastic [D]Jesus, plastic [G]Jesus,
[D]riding on the dashboard of my [A]car[Asus4]      [A]
[D]Through all trials and tribulations,
[G]we will travel every nation,
[D]with my plastic [A]Jesus I'll go [D]far[Dsus4].     [D]

[D]You can buy a sweet Madonna,
[G]dressed in rhinestones,
[D]sitting on a pedestal of abalone [A]shel[Asus4]l     [A]
[D]Goin' ninety, I'm not wary,
[G]'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary
[D]guaranteeing [A]I won't go to [D]Hell[Dsus4]      [D]

Plastic [D]Jesus, plastic [G]Jesus,
[D]riding on the dashboard of my [A]car[Asus4]      [A]
[D]Through all trials and tribulations,
[G]we will travel every nation,
[D]with my plastic [A]Jesus I'll go [D]far[Dsus4].     [D]

I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I got the Twelve Apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car

Plastic [D]Jesus, plastic [G]Jesus,
[D]riding on the dashboard of my [A]car[Asus4]      [A]
[D]Through all trials and tribulations,
[G]we will travel every nation,
[D]with my plastic [A]Jesus I'll go [D]far[Dsus4].     [D]

No, I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
But I think he'll have to go
His magnet ruins my radio
And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar

Plastic [D]Jesus, plastic [G]Jesus,
[D]riding on the dashboard of my [A]car[Asus4]      [A]
[D]Through all trials and tribulations,
[G]we will travel every nation,
[D]with my plastic [A]Jesus I'll go [D]far[Dsus4].     [D]

Riding through the thoroughfare
With his nose up in the air
A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind
Trouble coming, he don't see
He just keeps his eyes on me
And any other thing that lies behind

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Though the sun shines on his back
Makes him peel, chip, and crack
A little patching keeps him up to par

When pedestrians try to cross
I let them know who's boss
I never blow my horn or give them warning
I ride all over town
Trying to run them down
And it's seldom that they live to see the morning

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
His halo fits just right
And I use it as a sight
And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far

When I'm in a traffic jam
He don't care if I say Damn
I can let all sorts of curses roll
Plastic Jesus doesn't hear
For he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic saved my soul

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white
Now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar

God made Christ a Holy Jew
God made Him a Christian too
Paradoxes populate my car
Joseph beams with a feigned elan
From the shaggy dash of my furlined van
Famous cuckold in the master plan

Naughty Mary, smug and smiling
Jesus dainty and beguiling
Knee-deep in the piling of my van
His message clear by night or day
My phosphorescent plastic Gay
Simpering from the dashboard of my van

When I'm goin' fornicatin
I got my ceramic Satan
Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
The women know I'm on the level
Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil
Ridin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
Sneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
Leering from the dashboard of my van

If I weave around at night
And the police think I'm tight
They'll never find my bottle, though they ask
Plastic Jesus shelters me
For His head comes off, you see
He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Ride with me and have a dram
Of the blood of the Lamb
Plastic Jesus is a holy bar