Ugliest Man In Town

{tuning: Standard (EADGBE)}
Now han[C]dsome guys get girls that are pretty
Other guy[F]s get 'em 'cos they're clever and witty
But the on[C]ly love I ever get, I ge[A7]t out of pity
'Cos I'm[Dm] the ugli[G7]est man in to[C]wn

I dri[C]ve down the road in a Rolls Royce car
Use hund[F]red dollar bills when I light my cigar
But still yo[C]u know, that won't ge[A7]t you very far
When you'[Dm]re the ug[G7]liest man in t[C]own

There was a not[G]e on the doorstep where I was fo[C]und
It said [G]this sweet child weighs eleven p[C]ounds
So bri[G]ng him up healthy and wealthy and stou[C]t
Keep his ba[A7]ck to the light[Dm], don't let it turn ar[G7]ound

Yeah al[C]l you women you're heartless and cold
All you [F]want is my silver and gold
And do[C]n't you know that there's a beautifu[A7]l soul
Inside th[Dm]e uglies[G7]t man in town[C]                   [Boy do I got plans for us]

Yeah I'[G]m so ugly I shave in the d[C]ark
Kid[G]s start to cry when I walk[C] through the park
Clock[G]s stop ticking and do[C]gs start to bark
Whene[A7]ver I [Dm]come aroun[G7]d

Yeah I w[C]alk down the street and the girls all hiss me
If I d[F]ie tomorrow not one of them would miss me
Only [C]reason they ball me is they can[A7]'t stand to kiss me
I'm the ug[Dm]liest ma[G7]n in town[C]
Yeah I'm the[Dm] ugliest m[G7]an in town[C]

[You know a guy as ugly as you man could use a manager.  You know what I mean? Just
sign this small piece of paper  here man. You can give me a couple of bucks a week,
a couple  of free meals man. I'll take you all over the world. We'll  go to Japan baby,
they'll love you over there baby.  They'll make another monster movie with you hahahaha]