The Sideboard Song

([C] and [G] basically)
Mothers [C]phoned up last night, she was goin spare
        (bass run:   [C]      [B]       [Bb])
She was in a temper pulling out her hair
Your sis[G]ters courtin' a scruffy looking ted
Father doesn't give a monkeys and t[C]his is what he said

[C]                               (bass run:      [C]     [B]    [Bb])
I don't care, i don't care, i don't care if he comes round here
I've [G]got my beer and the sideboard here, let mother sort it out if he co[C]mes round here

I said to me mother let me have a talk to dad,
so he comes to the telephone he wasn't half mad
said she's got no sense that silly little cow,
and if he comes round here there's gonna be a row.

I don't care, i don't care, i don't care if he comes round here
I've got my beer and the sideboard here, let mother sort it out if he comes round here

I'll tell you something else, you know he's never got a job,
he hangs round the betting shop the lazy little yob,
mother says calm down dad, he's alright,
but they're out there snuffin in a passage all night

I don't care, i don't care, i don't care if he comes round here
I've got my beer and the sideboard here, let mother sort it out if he comes round here

If he comes round here, I've got my beer,
Let Mother sort it out in the sideboard here,
Got my beer, let Mother sort it out,
I don't care if he comes round here.

You'd think he was a tramp
With the stubble on his chin,
He looks like something
That the cat's dragged in,
Never got no money,
Smokes all my fags,
Got holes in his soles
And he's hanging in rags.

On top of that he said to tell you
Why I've got the hump,
She had a skinny little belly
Now it's sticking out the front,
There's nothing here to fit
And she's running out of clothes,
If he did he's taken liberties,
I'll punch him on the nose.

But I don't care, I don't care,
I don't care if he comes round here,
I've got my beer in the sideboard here,
Let Mother sort it out if he comes round here.

If he comes round here, I've got my beer,
Let Mother sort it out in the sideboard here,
Got my beer, let Mother sort it out,
I don't care if he comes round here...

Enjoy!